When your parent gets a terminal diagnosis
One of my favorite bloggers in the entire world, Metro Dad, writes eloquently about receiving the news of his father in law’s cancer diagnosis:
Immediately as you walk in, your co-worker runs up to you. “Call your wife. It’s an emergency.”
In the seconds that it takes for you to dial her number, your mind races. Since your wife is the one calling, you assume that nothing bad has happened to her. What else would constitute an emergency? Has something happened to your daughter? Your heart is racing.
When your wife answers, all you hear are the anguished sounds of her sobbing uncontrollably. Between choking sobs and gulps of air, you hear only isolated words. Father. Liver cancer. Inoperable. Tumor. 8 cm.
Your gut wrenches. A sickening feeling falls into the pit of your stomach. For some strange reason, you’re reminded of that tragic morning of 9/11. Another beautiful day that started out with so much promise yet ended with so much pain.
While I don’t pretend to know what his wife and he feel like, I have gotten that news, too and it was like being lunched in the gut. Seriously, there is a reason the word “gut” shows up in this scenario when most anyone describes it.
There are so many emotions, so much information to process and instant growing up to do. You feel like things will be in upheaval for the rest of your life.
But, the one thing I want people to know about it is that you’re not alone when a parent gets a terminal diagnosis. It’s very very sad, and though you’ll never be the same, it won’t always be chaos and worry. Things will settle down in their own way eventually and there will be a bit of a new normal for a while.
And you know what?
It sucks. Plain and simple. It just sucks.
But, like I do from time to time around here, I just want people in this situation to know that they’re not alone. There’s lots of us out here who “get it” when you are told that a parent is going to die.
Tags: Metro DadRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Aging Parents
4 opinions for When your parent gets a terminal diagnosis
newscoma
May 3, 2008 at 9:16 pm
You know, when I heard my mother’s terminal diagnosis, I thought I was the most alone person in the world.
But I realized I wasn’t. It took time but as the finals days of her journey on this planet played out, I found that there was so many people that had empathy were everywhere. So many of us go through this. And it does get better than that moment when you hear those words “terminal.”
And, you are right as is he, we are not by ourselves in this.
Great Post.
Trisha
May 5, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I never “got it” until it happened to me. Now I understand.
JayMonster
May 7, 2008 at 11:48 am
Thanks for the reminder. As it turns out, this has not gotten much easier (parent or other loved one) when you go through it more than once, and you start getting that alone feeling all over again.
A parent’s illness
May 17, 2008 at 11:19 pm
[…] like being punched in the stomach, and the additional stress is the last thing that anyone needs when a parents has a serious […]
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