Tips on talking about the tough issues with an aging parent
It’s no great secret that as our parents and grandparents age, there’s a need for talks that we’d all probably rather not have.
There are so many financial, social and emotional issues that need to be worked out in the event of someone’s death.
It can be even more difficult when your parent is resistant to the planning process.
While there’s no one way to do it, the Bradenton Press provides some good tips on having this important talk with elderly parents.
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POSTED IN: Advice, Aging Parents, Planning
2 opinions for Tips on talking about the tough issues with an aging parent
Natalie Tucker Miller
Jan 9, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Sometimes the tendency is for the adult child of an elder to presume they know what’s best. This is one phase of life we cannot fully identify with because we’ve never been there. We can draw on our own experience when relating to situations in which we’ve lived through, but we have no idea what it’s like to be 70 or 80 or 90. What we think is best might actually be the least appropriate solution. Learning to “listen between the words” of what’s being expressed can help us decode some of the mystery!
Pete
Jan 11, 2008 at 8:32 am
There is always something new. About four weeks ago, my mother-in-law (age 82) moved in with us. She is not yet ready, however, to say the move is permanent. She also has no plans that we know of to return to her own home.
The issue now before us is how much she will contribute financially to the household. She has so far deflected two direct attempts by my wife to discuss the subject.
I’ll probably have to get involved in the conversation myself. Naturally I would prefer to keep a respectful in-law’s distance.
We’ve worked through more complex caregiving issues than this before, and this little difficulty will resolve in its own good time. In the meantime, we’re burning a LOT more heating oil than we’re used to, because the house is now heated three degrees warmer than before–and it’s a cold, cold winter in these parts.
I guess our general rules for these conversations are these:
Don’t get angry
Don’t raise your voice
Don’t go away
We’ll keep coming back to the topic until things are worked out.
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