GenBetween

Things Not to Say to a Caregiver

by Elizabeth on May 18th, 2007

Bigtreemurphy.com, Alzheimer’s for caregivers has a well thought out list of 12 Things Not to Say to a Caregiver.

It contains some very common phrases people tend to use. More importantly, it challenges those phrases, and, though some of these challenges may seem harsh, they really make you think, and, they’re true.

My situation with my mother’s illness and death, and, my father’s surgery was a little different in that it wasn’t a dementia situation, but, even though people were nice enough, there are some things said that just aren’t much help. But, then again, I could have been extra sensitive at the time, as well.

For example, I’m sure it was a stressful time when your grandmother had surgery, but, “Yeah, I know how you feel, I was so stressed when I had to take her to the doctor 6 weeks later”, wasn’t all that helpful. But, “I’m sure it must be difficult for you to transport your mother to the doctor when she is so sick”, might have been a better choice to say to me.

Even though people meant well, they weren’t really interested in what was going on when my mother was ill.

Not because they were insensitive, but, unless they had done it before, it was hard to truly grasp the situation, and, the resulting emotions, and, it was often easier to answer, “about the same”, when I was asked how my mother was doing.

Please understand, that doesn’t mean that everyone’s support isn’t appreciated. I’d never want to discourage someone from supporting a caregiver, and, certainly, everyone’s situation is unique.

However, my only advice is that if you ask someone what’s going on with their loved one, be prepared to take some time to hear about it, and, actively listen if the caregiver wants to tell you about it.

Share This

Related Stories

Caring for the caregiver
Top Ten Signs You Are a Sandwich Caregiver
Caregiver.com
Helping the hands-on caregiver when you are long distance
Our Elder Pets

POSTED IN: Caregiver