The holidays approacheth
With the holiday season coming up quickly, I know that this time of year might be hard since my mother died.
I have been thinking about the approaching season in vague terms, making a mental note to put “deal emotionally with holidays”, but, I haven’t really done much else.
Imagine my surprise when, Halloween, the questionable member of the “holiday” clan, got me.
We took the kids Trick or Treating at my dad’s house as has been our custom for years. While sitting there in his living room watching the kids play and trade candy, it was so glaring that my mother wasn’t there, it about knocked me over.
My dad stepped up to the plate and gave out candy and asked them about their costumes (not really something that comes naturally to him), but, the room that was full of people just seemed so empty at the same time.
I know we won’t be the only people who have ever gone through this, and, that it will be OK, it’s just that it really violated my mental agenda, and, I don’t do well with that.
Tags: death, Holidays, Sandwich_Generation
7 opinions for The holidays approacheth
newscoma
Nov 2, 2006 at 12:54 pm
The holidays were very hard for me. Actually, the seven Christmases since my mother died have been difficult.
She was just so darned good at the holidays and my dad is a bit of a Grinch.
I have found, however, to fold myself up into the little things in the holiday. Small things that give me a momentary sense of joy.
I don’t know if that will help, but it does me.
Latte Man
Nov 2, 2006 at 1:39 pm
I hate to be the bearer of bad news here, but honestly, I don’t think it is truely possible to “prepare yourself” or to schedule dealing with the issues of loss.
Two years now since my father’s passing, and it always something new. No matter how many things I prepare for in advance, no matter how many “gotchas” I remember to prepare for “this time” so I am not suprised like “the last time” there is always something new that will hit me. Something else that I hadn’t thought of before that will spark a memory, or a scene, or a saying or something that will bring it all back, and that void will appear.
Now for the gushy cliche.
This void is not “all” bad. For as long as it remains, you mother is alive and well in your heart and memories. (Hey… I warned you.)
Lynne
Nov 2, 2006 at 4:34 pm
I to am dreading Christmas - it’s two months today since she died.
My mom was the one who bought all the gifts, my mom sent all the cards, my mom’s the one who got a kick out of my goofy kid’s Christmas cards I made, the one who decorates and carefully puts out all the Christmas knickknacks.
I’ve been trying not to imagine our first Christmas without her, and now I’m getting all teary eyed writing this.
Is it horrible of me to be glad I live so far away from my dad and brother, so I don’t have to be in the house without her?
Paul
Nov 3, 2006 at 3:28 pm
“It gets better with each passing year”, is all I can tell you. When the last grandparent, parent, and siblings are gone, there is a strange sensation that the safety net has been yanked from beneath you. I believe at that moment, the wings of those who left before somehow, not only keep you from falling, but enable you to fly.
It is perfectly OK to miss family members who die before you do…just don’t miss too much of what life has in front of you while looking back.
shelia aka lady
Nov 6, 2006 at 6:57 am
I hope you can get through this first one without to much pain! Ya right I know… I am just hoping my mom makes it through the holidays at least,so that my family can have at least on more holiday with her. Your dad sounds so like my dad I know he will step up to the plate even though its not really who he is. I mean he never had to be “that” person since she always was. Good Luck! I will pray for your family this season,please continue to pray for mine the doc. gave my mom two to three months to live….
Nancy
Nov 6, 2006 at 5:08 pm
I was glad to hear you say Halloween got you. It got me too and really caught me off guard. Then I was going through some old pictures and saw my Dad standing there with my little boys and thought, “No wonder!” He died Sept. 27th and I am also dreading those holidays. I really liked what Paul said in his comment. I like thinking of Dad helping me fly.
Vol Abroad
Nov 10, 2006 at 7:37 am
At least you’ve got that fabulous electric light-up poinsettia to cheer you through the Christmas season.
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