The Dating Game
Though he’s not great at keeping in touch with them, my father has lots of friends.
Several of his friends from his previous career (before he became a teacher) are female, and, I’ve known them since I was a child. I’ve never really thought much about it.
He has lunch with this group a few times a year, and, the other day, one of the ladies called to set it up. I answered the phone, and, she identified herself, and, I handed the phone to him. Since I was in the next room, I heard part of the conversation and heard him laugh and say, “OK, I’ll tell her.”
The message was for him to make sure to tell me that she was calling about their regular lunch and to assure me that she wasn’t just some lady calling an eligible (if you are new to these parts, my mother died in July) man.
Heh, it never even crossed my mind until she said it.
Right after my mother died, a family friend made sure to tell me that she was putting the dinner she made him in a disposable container because she was worried that it would “look improper” if she put it in something she needed back.
Apparently, the guise of a single female picking up Tupperware from a bereaved male is a big pick-up m.o. with the geriatric set.
Which brings me to the fact that I suppose it wouldn’t be impossible for my father to have a date someday. Though I doubt he will date (I’ll explain in a minute), oddly enough, I think I’d be OK with it. Then again, who knows how I’d react.
I don’t think he will date (OK, now it’s sounding weird as I write about it) because his own father remarried at age 78 or something like that. My dad’s stepmother is still alive if you can believe that, but, she was never really close to my father and uncle, and, now she no longer recognizes many people.
It’s kind of a pain because she has many of the family heirlooms, and, is apparently planning to leave them to her niece. It’s not contentious or anything, but, history is very important to my father, and, there’s some things that are valuable to him that he is not going to be able to get.
So, though there’s a big difference between dating and marriage, I really think that (other than the fact that he was happily married to my mother for 50 years) will be a big reason he won’t do it.
However, if nothing else, I have learned about the Tupperware excuse. I’ll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever need it when I’m in my seventies.
Tags: Dating, Death-of-a-Spouse, Sandisch-GenerationRelated Stories
POSTED IN: My Father
8 opinions for The Dating Game
Deanna
Nov 10, 2006 at 3:50 am
My grandmother remarried late in life. Her husband’s daughters have made some “suggestions” about certain items they would like (anything and everything that was their late mother’s has long since gone to them). Some of these items are from my grandmother’s (and therefore, my) side of the family, and she’s already set them straight a few times about things. My mother is dreading having to deal with them, especially if my grandmother should pass away before her husband, because they have separate wills and estates, and my mother is the sole inheritor of her mother’s property, while my step-grandfather’s estate gets divided by his four children. Somehow, this does not seem “fair” to them. And they’re usually perfectly nice people, but when heirlooms and inheritance get into the mix, all bets are off. So, I am very sorry that your father can’t get to certain things that obviously have great meaning to him.
cursingmama
Nov 10, 2006 at 8:10 am
My grandmother, a widow for more than 20 years, hasn’t gone on a single date. Once at a wedding I watched a nice gentlemen try and ask and she was the most stand-offish person I have ever seen. It was wild. Although I don’t suppose I was supposed to be rooting for him.
It’s too bad your father doesn’t have access to things that are important to him, yet another reminder that putting ALL of your wishes on paper is so very important.
newscoma
Nov 10, 2006 at 9:39 am
My stepmother has all of my mother’s things.
I would be lying if I said that I was happy about it, as she really doesn’t like my sis and I AT ALL.
My mother died at 54. My dad remarried less than two years later. We were genuinelly happy about that he had a companion. He was young. He did need to move forward and although it was painful for us to see a new woman in the position our mother held for 36 years, we gave him our blessing, knowing it was our stuff and we’d work it out ourselves.
Six years later, it’s very awkward, because we always felt like he married a cadillac and got a gremlin.
That wedding ring changed her immediately and we were actually quite upset about it.
Now, we just love him the best we can, tolerate her because she is his wife, and go forward.
Sorry to rant here.
Sometimes its hard, but my sis and I have each other and that is a good thing.
Anne Glamore
Nov 10, 2006 at 11:17 am
Beware the ladies who come bearing banana bread. Those are the ones who are serious!
Latte Man
Nov 10, 2006 at 7:32 pm
Geez. Until now, I had never even thought about my mother dating again {{shiver}}. Not that I wouldn’t be OK with it (I honestly don’t know how I would react). But the thought of it just freaks me out a bit.
However, I somehow doubt it would happen. My mother and aunt are now quite the pair, that go and do everything together, and no poor guy would have a shot with the two of them judging each others every move.
R*belle
Nov 10, 2006 at 8:52 pm
My moms (male) dentist told her recently that he had never in his life been so amazed by the women that just about stalked him when his wife died. He said the worst part was that many were her friends! The best line was, :”I had a steady stream of chicken divan coming in the front door from the ladies and going out the back door with my children and their families!”
Mermaid
Nov 11, 2006 at 5:45 pm
My mother waited over a year after my father died before she began to date. Then she decided to marry the first man that asked her out! She has known him for less than a year, and he could be Ike Turner for all I know. I worry about her. I have all the above listed concerns, and although there are very few family heirlooms, I worry about them.
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