GenBetween

On new routines

by Elizabeth on November 11th, 2006

It’s taken my father and me this long to get to some semblance of a normal routine since my mother’s death in July, and, his subsequent back problems, surgery and recovery.

For him, it’s really the first time in quite a long time that he can go out and do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as toward the end, my mother couldn’t be left alone. Due to my duties as the Sandwich Generation Poster Child, I couldn’t always be there to give him a break in caregiving duties, so that meant that sometimes there were days he couldn’t leave the house at all.

Anyway, before my mother became extremely ill, it was our custom to visit with my parents on the weekends. However, it was my mother that was usually the driving force behind that. Yes, I am very fortunate that my parents live less than 10 miles from us.

Now that things have evened out for my father, we really haven’t resumed the routine of the weekend visit. You have to remember that this is the South, and, it’s just what we do. We “visit” on Sundays.

I have to confess, though, the weekly visiting wasn’t always convenient for us, either. With both of us working and the kids’ schedules, time to do general activities of daily living is/was limited and we need some time to do them. Heck, it may not have been for my mother, either, I dunno, it’s just what we did.

Before you write me off as a ungrateful stereotype, I wasn’t always sure if my dad was really wanting to make some of the visits, either, due to his work load (he’s a teacher). Yes, I know it’s important and that, in the end, time with loved ones is the only thing that matters, but, in the here and now, laundry, homework, groceries, and, basic lawn maintainence ranks right up there.

Good grief, where am I going with this? *pours another cup of coffee*

OK, here we go, getting to the point now…

I’m still trying to figure out what sort of routine we should have about “visiting” and doing things on the weekends. I’m still trying to decide if I should propose activities with him or if he’s liking not having any comittments.

“Just ask him!” you are saying (why yes, I can hear you through the keyboard). You have to understand that he is such a nice person, he’ll agree to most anything, but, I’m suspicious that regular, unstructured time with us and our screaming children is not his thing. Football season was nice because I know he likes football and going to my son’s games, but, we’re between sports at the moment, so there’s no built in activity to propose.

We’ll figure it out, but, I just don’t want to get into some routine that we are both merely tolerating for the sake of the other, but, I also don’t want to find out later that he’s at home wishing we’d call or something.

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POSTED IN: My Father