On being a caregiver
Before my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I hadn’t given a lot of thought to the term “caregiver”. Even though I’m a nurse, the term has actually always kind of bugged me (I’m not sure why), and, I never thought it applied to me.
After my mother got sick, it dawned on me that the notion of my only child self being somewhat responsible for my parents had passed the theoretical stage. I found myself smack in the middle of “caregiver” country, but, I didn’t realize it at first.
I still didn’t identify with the term even after I realized that I had been caring for my children for several years before that. To me, “caregiver” was an academic term referring to the nice people who took care of my kids at daycare, and, sometimes it referred to the tireless, older (than me) people who cared for an ill spouse or parent living in their home. I’m only 41, and, my parents don’t live with me. Certainly, I don’t fit that bill, right?
Actually, even though I’ve been involved with my mother’s illness for quite a while now, it wasn’t until researching topics for GenBetween that I realized, that I am, indeed a “caregiver”.According to this Care Giver Fact Sheet, a caregivers tasks may include any time spent: bathing and dressing your loved one, cooking, cleaning, laundry, handling finances, giving medication, changing dressings, running errands, doctor’s appointments, giving information to family and friends. Some tasks I do more than others, but, overall that’s me.
While my mother has help during the day (my father works full-time), it occurs to me as I write this, my dad has been thrust into this role as well. I know it’s the “in sickness and in health” part of the marriage vows, but, in a way, I am more prepared for it since I am in the middle of raising young children, and, I’m already in that mode.
Unless, however, the caregiver mode is graded on the “laundry” part. Then neither one of us is really fulfilling that part too well. (Stay tuned for the sequel to this titled: “Trying to Teach My Father to Do Laundry When I’m Not All That Good at It, Myself”).
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