More thoughts on long distance caregiving
When I look back on my mother’s illness and death, I both marvel and shudder at the logistics that were involved in caring for her.
When my dad had his back problems and surgery not long after she died, I now wonder how I cared for him, cared for my family and went to work.
And they only live about 8 miles from me.
I was going to say I can’t fathom how people care for aging parents from a distance, but, my mother did it with her own mother.
I was in college then, so I really didn’t pay that much attention to it all, but, knowing what I know now, I wish I had.
CNN has a good piece about Caring for Mom and Dad from afar.
There are two pieces of advice I especially like: “Don’t expect your parents to welcome your assistance” and “find an e-mail friendly doctor”.
Too often when we read about caring for aging parents, the scenarios are painted with soft colors and touching moments, but, you don’t really read much about them not wanting your help, it’s very real.
As I’ve said before, though, one of the greatest gifts my parents have given me is the permission to do whatever I need to do involving their care, even if they become confused in illness or age and tell me something different later.
They (have) made no demands of me to “not put them in a nursing home” or “to die at home”. As an only child, there’s no way I could make promises like that, anyway.
But, there’s also been much written and debated about elderly parents making their own decisions, too.
Whatever the situation, caregivers need to remember that they may meet resistance from their parents.
As for an e-mail friendly physician, what a great idea to consider!
Again, I am in the same town as my parents are/were, and, I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to communicate with physicians. I wish I had thought to ask if any of them used e-mail.
I have no real experience with long distance caregiving, my hat’s off to those of you who are going through it right now. Take advantage of the resources out there to help you, and, share with others what you’ve learned.
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POSTED IN: Aging Parents, Caregiver
2 opinions for More thoughts on long distance caregiving
Amy324
Feb 2, 2008 at 12:09 pm
I live about 12 hours from my parents and one of my sisters lives in London. The other sister lives near my folks and my fear is that the burden of their care is going to fall to her when the time comes, as much as my other sister and I intend to or want to help. She has already had to deal with a few surgeries and all we can really do from here is offer moral support. Any way to make this less unfair for her?
Bill Grote
Feb 12, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Thank you for bringing light to this subject.
I also was lucky that my mom held no restrictions on how I was to care for her. We went through the usual gamut: hospital, nursing home, care facility, and finally the funeral home. Luckily, mom was cordial throughout, as was my sister. It was a sanguine experience, but one that deeply changed my beliefs and perceptions on getting old.
I’ve posted many forms and agreements for helping with an aging parent that are FREE for download at http://www.boomer-books.com.
I hope that these can help someone.
– Bill
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