It wasn’t all about me, afterall
At my friend’s father’s (that sure was a lot of possesives, there) funeral the other day, I sat with a guy I kind of know, we have kids in the same class at school. He was a friend of the family, and, I discovered from reading the program that his father was a pallbearer. His dad and the deceased were best friends.
Like I said, I don’t know him all that well, but, for some reason I was struck with verbal diarrhea about my mother’s death from cancer six months ago, and, he was my victim. I was telling some story about her funeral (that was in the same location), and, we got interrupted, and, I didn’t finish whatever I was saying. Likely, to his relief.
The next night, he called me to apologize that he had walked away, and, didn’t get to finish hearing my story.
I didn’t think much about the fact that our conversation got interrupted, and, I told him not to think a thing of it, and, that I was just yammering, anyway. I couldn’t believe he had called, that was so nice!
So, today? I was reading the obituaries as i am prone to doing (kinda for my job, kinda because I’m old), and, I see that his father died a couple of days ago.
His father had been at the same hospice where my mother was, and, he had not actually been at the funeral because, he was, you know, dying. That whole time I went on and on about my situation, this guy didn’t say a word, he just listened intently, even though his own father’s death was imminent.
I don’t know if I really have a point, I just thought that was so nice of him.
Like I say, the whole thing (the death of a parent) is like a strange club I’ve joined, qualifying isn’t much fun, but, the members sure are nice.
Tags: Aging Parents, death, sandwich-generationRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Nuttin'
5 opinions for It wasn’t all about me, afterall
Nana
Feb 6, 2007 at 11:29 am
It was really nice of him to listen to you and not try to bring the conversation around to the situation with his own father. I’m sure you’ve acknowledge the death of his father in some way - either by a nice card or a phone call - and if you haven’t, you should do that soon. (That’s the “mom” in me - I always feel like I should remind my own daughters about these things and I really don’t - sorry!)
newscoma
Feb 6, 2007 at 7:13 pm
The 8th anniversary of my mother’s death is Feb. 28. This club isn’t fun, but the empathy that we all experience is quite amazing.
I still miss her.
And he probably needed to hear about this because he knew he was fixing (I’m so Southern) to go through it himself.
I felt that way before she left. Like I wanted to absorb how to feel about everything. Little did I know we all go through the same thing but it’s different because of our own experiences.
Thinking good thoughts,
Trace
tanya
Feb 6, 2007 at 11:54 pm
We found out my mother had cancer in june of 2003. I was pregnant with my son at the time and had not told anyone because of previous miscarriages. I told her the end of May and then we found out first of June she had cancer. She went into hospice in September and died in October. My son was born in December. Hospice is a WONDERFUL THING for families.
Jenn
Feb 8, 2007 at 5:59 pm
I’m sorry to say I’m confused. In the beginning you said the guy’s father was a paulbearer but then you said he was in hospice and wasn’t at the funeral. Did I miss something?
b5media - a global blog network - Valentine’s Greetings from the Family and Relationships Channel
Feb 14, 2007 at 6:42 am
[…] Hopefully, you aren’t traveling away from your family and friends today, but if you are, Elizabeth at Career and Kids has some tips for you. And maybe your seatmate will be as good a listener as the guy she met at a family friend’s funeral. Char at Weary Parent is a great listener and tells you how she gets her kids to talk to her. (Something those Hotties’ parents need to work on.) […]
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