How did I get here? Where are the adults?
My shift into a card-carrying member of the Sandwich Generation was a bit of a surprise (at least it was to me).
It seemed like one minute, I was taking care of young children, just doing what parents in their thirties do, and, the next minute, the theoretical “you’ll have to take care of your parents someday”, became reality.
While the actual care and all that goes with it is just what you do, the whole thing represented a deeper shift to me.
Though I suppose I’m not old (42. Shut up. I am not.), it really made me realize that I, and some of my friends, had become the “grown-ups”.
Catherine Mulrooney, in this column in the Toronto Star, sums up the shift I experienced that really threw me for a loop when all this with my parents started:
When I squeeze in a coffee with friends these days, the conversation takes on a whole new tone. It is no longer about finding the name of a good pediatrician or sharing techniques on getting a baby to sleep through the night.
Instead, there are questions about whether a friend’s mother handled surgery or how to negotiate the complicated world of finding a place in assisted living or the latest research into Parkinson’s disease.
Though it is a natural evolution, some of us have to talk about all this stuff at once.
Tags: Aging Parents, sandwich-generationRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Aging, Caregiver, Media, Sandwich Dilemmas
4 opinions for How did I get here? Where are the adults?
Paul
Nov 29, 2006 at 6:49 am
E., You are 42? Wow, I figured you for early 30’s, really. *grin*
paul
Nov 29, 2006 at 8:14 am
It hit me when I noticed that a great deal of my prayer time was being consumed by the health concerns of various friends and loved ones.
Nicole
Nov 29, 2006 at 11:39 am
I will be there soon. My mother is still reasonably young, but has rheumatoid arthritis. On her recent trip to Nashville, we went to the zoo, where I pushed her in a wheelchair so that she didn’t exhaust herself. I’m 30. I’m not ready. But it’s coming. Crap.
GenBetween » Another friend joins the Sandwich Generation ranks
Jan 18, 2007 at 2:49 pm
[…] Even though I’m in my 40’s, most of my friends have parents who are healthy and active, and, as illogical as it sounds, I spent some time being jealous of that. Other people’s parents were keeping their kids for a week so they could go on a childless vacation, and, I was on my 8th night in the hospital with my mother while working full time and taking care of 3 kids and a house. Sick parents were something that “grown-ups” went through. Yes, I do have a husband, but, the above sounds so much better for my pity party. Anyway, I somehow got over it, don’t ask me what the turning point was, I have no idea. I have a friend whose mother died about a year before mine did. She has really helped me, and, it was so nice to have someone to tell me what to expect. But, now I’m realizing that I’m the one waiting for my friends on this side of things, since their parents are going to get older, too. I hope I can pass on what people have done for me. […]
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