GenBetween

Helping out

by Elizabeth on June 24th, 2006

One of the best things you can do for a family who is caring for another family member who can’t be left alone is to make a specific offer of a time you can come stay with the person. There are a couple of my mother’s friends who come by some afternoons so my dad can go out and get some dinner (there’s another post in <== that statement, remind me to tell you about it), and, it's one of the best things that has happened to us.

I have done this myself, but, it's so easy to say, "Let me know if I can help out sometime". For various reasons, the family needing help may be reluctant to call. It's much different when someone says something like, "I would like to come by at 4 on Tuesday so you can go get something to eat and go to the grocery. I can stay as long as you need me to." It's even better (if possible) if you can say something like, "My schedule allows me to come every Tuesday for the next 6 weeks, would that be helpful?"

While any offers of help are always truly appreciated, it's so much easier when someone is specific about what they can do. Yes, I know you can read this hint in any women's magazine, but, I'm here to say, "No, seriously, this is what we need”. It works better if you know the family’s schedule or habits and are able to make an offer that allows them to continue doing what they do, such as going out to eat or to church or whatever. My dad is the type that the offer of “coming over at 4″ might not appeal to him right away, but, the offer of “coming over at 4, so you can go eat” will usually get his attention.

Also, though my mother’s friends don’t have young children, it’s not always an obstacle if you have kids. In some cases, it may actually be helpful to have school-aged children who can understand the situation at hand come along if you make sure there are specific tasks they can do. My middle son is proud of his job emptying the trash and watering the garden outside at my parents house. My daughter is able to help my mother to the bathroom, and, she takes care of the indoor plants, and, dusting or sweeping as needed.

Wait, that sounds like they are just along for the free labor. That’s not (quite) what I mean. Sure, these are tasks that would be taken care of one way or another, but, the kids like to do real jobs that help my parents, and, it’s nice for my parents to have these jobs done. Also, my mother gets to see them, but, doesn’t feel like (she’s just that way) she has to entertain them in some way.

Certainly, this isn’t the only way to help out, but, in some cases it can really go a long way.

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POSTED IN: Caregiver, Children