Family Size and the future Sandwich Generation
My perspective on being in the Sandwich Generation is that of an only child. An only child with no extended family. Both my mother and my grandmother were only children, and, my father’s brothers are/were significantly older, and, therefore their children, my cousins, are a lot older than I am, and, I don’t know them.
I have 3 children. It wasn’t really a conscious attempt to “break the cycle”, but, I never truly understood what people meant over the years when they told me, “Oh, you poor thing, you’ll be all alone taking care of your parents, someday”, until recently.
Let me be clear, though, I don’t feel like I’m all alone, I have a loving and supportive husband, and, my own children. I also have no real issues with being an only child, it is what it is, and, I have never resented it. But, you know, there’s a lot that would be easier if there were someone else there with me who belong to my parents as well.
I did ask my parents for a a brother or a sister last year, but, they said, “no”. Who knew?
I can’t help think about the fact that my children have a better chance at having more help than I have when it comes time to raising their own families, and, takeing care of us in our old age. I realize that having siblings is no guarantee that the work load will be spread, or, that they will even like each other, but, like I said, the odds are better for them, and, that’s all I can do.
I certainly don’t mean to imply that we have children for the purpose of taking care of us, but, there are times when I see couples deciding if they should have a second child, and, I want to jump up and scream, “Think this through, think of what it will mean for them when you are old and gray, and, they have their own families to care for!”
But, I don’t do that. Much.
I know there are only children blessed with more extended family than I have, and, their parents take comfort in that, but, I can’t help but wonder if even the most devoted extended family really gets into the daily nitty gritty of eldercare.
So, while it took me a few years to realize the extent of it, I am truly grateful that my children have siblings, even if it means my daughter, the oldest child, and, only girl, runs the risk (statistics say) of shouldering the burden of our care. She’s pretty bossy, and, woe unto the brothers who won’t help.
Has the prospect of your own children being Sandwich Generation influenced how many children, barring any fertility issues, you have or plan to have?
Tags: family-planning, only-child, sandwich-generationRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Aging, Aging Parents, Children
4 opinions for Family Size and the future Sandwich Generation
Susan
Feb 22, 2007 at 2:31 pm
Hmm. I am an only child, and my cousins are all a lot older, too. I used to feel badly about this, but as I see many of my friends with siblings and older parents, I realize that sometimes it works out really nicely, but often there is so much squabbling and resentment and guilt. Inevitably one sibling does more than the others, and there is a feeling that things are somehow not “fair” and then with the inheritence issues - it can get very unpleasant. So I feel like even though I have 100% of the responsibility, I don’t have to struggle with anyone else over that. I live with all the decisions for better or worse. So I have 2 kids and already I can see how it’s going to go down the road…!
Lisa Dunn
Feb 22, 2007 at 6:54 pm
I’m with Susan. I’m a capable loving daughter and will be able to handle whatever my parent’s health (or lack of health) throws my way. My husband and I currently have ZERO children. Primarily because we waited so long to get married.
Peggy
Feb 22, 2007 at 8:36 pm
Sometimes the care of the parents land on the daughter-in-law as in our case with both my husbands parents. His sister was too busy it seemed. We moved both of his parents to Ohio so I could be their care giver. I spent weeks and weeks in Wisconsin taking care of them until I said enough and we moved them here. All I can say is be nice to your daughter-in-laws. You never know if they are the only ones willing to do what needs to be done.
Larisa
Feb 26, 2007 at 11:45 am
My son was about 2 when my mother had her first hospitalization for emphysema. I had said no more kids but after that I looked at my son and thought it over again. I know siblings arent necessarily helpful but if you have none, there isnt even a chance. Since her death and my dad’s illnesses, I have told them both to stick together when the time comes to take care of us (hopefully they wont have to but you never know). So yes, it did impact our decision to have another.
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