GenBetween

An act of love

by Elizabeth on February 8th, 2007

I never told you a lot about my mother’s death, but, actually, it was pretty amazing, as far as these things go, and, since the b5 Media Family and Relationships Channel’s Blog Carnival theme is “love”, I figured this was as good of a time as any to tell you about it.

She was very ill with lung cancer, but, she was the one who gave us an amazing gift of love: she scheduled her own death for us, I’m sure with the assistance of whatever divine force you want to insert here.
Weird, eh?

The plan all along her illness (lung cancer) was that, at a certain point, she would leave their home, and, move to a residential hospice. At the point she declared it was time to go, she said she knew it was time, because she was finally “tired of taking” all the time.

I know now, that the whole thing was carefully planned.

Exactly a week into her stay, a day after having a fantastic day visiting with friends and family, she sat my father down, and, told him that it was “time for her to go”, and, that she was ready.

It was mid-day, and, it gave us time to call everyone in. My husband and children were out of town, but, she knew they were returning that afternoon. Her best friend was traveling for work, but, I called her back, and, she did get back in time.

The process of her actually dying went well on into the night, people gathered in the room, and, around the bed thinking that her last moments were near. But, every now and then, she’d pipe up into a conversation, so no one knew what to think, and, they said their goodbyes, and, went on their way, leaving just me and my father.

I was growing restless, and, got up to walk the halls since her condition had been the same for hours and hours. I met a nurse I had never seen before, and, we got into a deep conversation. He said that he had taken care of her the night before, but, he would go back with me to visit her after I told him it wouldn’t be much longer.

We walked in the room. he went over to see her, and, she died. She had that guy bring me back to the room, and, I didn’t even realize it until later.

Looking back on it, there was so much more evidence that she planned it to be easier on us.

My father, a teacher, had to prepare to go back to school, and, this July date gave him plenty of time to get ready after dealing with her death. The date was also several days after my middle child’s birthday, so, there would be no negative connotation of his birthday for the rest of his life.

We also realized later, that my husband was supposed to be out of town again the entire next week, leaving me alone with the kids. She knew that, too, and, gave him advance notice to cancel his trip.

She also hung around for her and my father’s 50th wedding anniversary, and, though it didn’t work out, she knew that the priest who would be saying her funeral Mass was on the way back from an overseas trip.

So, I don’t know if there’s a “first place” in the contest of love, but, I’d say deciding when a good time to die to make things easier for your family, ranks right up there.

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POSTED IN: Blog Carnival, My Mother